You read the test: Positive. Your mind is racing a hundred miles an hour, and you immediately long to share your secret with someone who cares. But that can be a more complicated process than it may seem. Who should you tell? What will your parents think? Will they react strongly? Will they offer support or pressure you into a decision? Here are a few common questions you may have about talking to your parents about your pregnancy and some answers to help you navigate these conversations.
Should I tell my parents?
If you live with your parents (or even if you don’t), it’s a pretty reasonable question to ask if, and when, they should know about your pregnancy. A lot of people hesitate to tell their parents because they’re afraid of their reaction. Maybe your parents have frequently warned you to be careful “not to ever get pregnant or else,” or threatened to throw you out of the house if you found yourself pregnant. Depending on how you were raised, you may feel guilty for not following your parents’ advice and would hate to disappoint them. Perhaps pregnancy was never talked about in your family, and you don’t even know how to bring it up in a discussion.
As scary as it may seem, telling your parents about your pregnancy is almost always a good idea. Your parents love you! They likely want to be there for you and know what’s going on in your life. Since they’ve lived longer than you have, they have probably been through a number of their own challenges.
Prepare for Their Response
Some parents might have an initial reaction of shock or anger when you break the news to them about your pregnancy. Don’t let that frighten you, though, because most likely they’re just feeling how you did when you first found out you were pregnant. Those emotional responses will likely fade, and your parents may eventually help and encourage you in dealing with this new phase of your life.
The most important thing to remember is not to make a decision about your unplanned pregnancy because you’re concerned about your parents’ reaction to your pregnancy. While it may not be an easy discussion, it is worth it to talk to them first before making a decision you can’t reverse.
How should I break the news to them?
Moms and dads are often more observant than we give them credit for. It is possible that your parents may have already noticed a change and are waiting for you to bring it up. But if you’re not sure how they’ll react, what’s a good way to start the conversation? First, find a good time to bring it up. Avoid late at night or early in the morning when people are tired or rushed. Although every family, person, and situation is different, here are a few general ideas to help you get started:
- Show respect. Your parents may be judgemental or shocked. However, remaining respectful and calm should help keep the conversation less stressful.
- Listen. Share what’s going on, but be willing to hear them out too. Your parents may appreciate that you want to know their take on the situation and may have good ideas to share.
- Ask good questions. This could even help ease their reaction. Ask them about their younger years and what they’ve learned from the twists and turns along the way. You might be amazed by what they share.
- Be gracious. Remember that your parents may need time to process this, just like you, so be patient with them, and don’t come at this topic with an attitude. The best way to approach them is with humility, seeking their help and support, rather than trying to blame or justify anyone or push them to any immediate action.
- Be confident. Know that your parents’ opinion and support is important, but that this is ultimately your decision. Don’t allow anyone to force or pressure you into any choice about your pregnancy. Even if you’re under 18 or if you still live with your parents, they have no legal right to force you to have an abortion, so never let your choice rest on anyone else’s opinion. If you’re feeling pressured or threatened, don’t hesitate to look for help.
If you are concerned about a parent or guardian forcing you to have an abortion or if you doubt your safety in telling your parents, consider visiting your local care center for help. They have resources to help you with taking the next step. Further, it will be a safe place to have this conversation.
What next?
Once you have told your parents, be sure to get further help and support. It is important to educate yourself on all your options so you can make a decision that is best for you. No matter what your situation is, getting an ultrasound will allow you to ensure the pregnancy is viable and help you make an informed decision. About 1/3 to 1/2 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first three months of pregnancy.1 Your local care center can help you get an ultrasound and other resources you will need. They are there to come alongside you and offer support.
It is important to educate yourself on all your options so you can make a decision that is best for you.
Once you have told your parents, be sure to get further help and support. It is important to educate yourself on all your options so you can make a decision that is best for you. No matter what your situation is, getting an ultrasound will allow you to ensure the pregnancy is viable and help you make an informed decision. About 1/3 to 1/2 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first three months of pregnancy.1 Your local care center can help you get an ultrasound and other resources you will need. They are there to come alongside you and offer support.
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