Talking to Your Boyfriend About Your Pregnancy

If you suspect you are pregnant, your boyfriend may be the first person you long to talk to — or the last. There are so many variables in relationships. Pregnancy can often complicate things even further. That’s not a reason to panic, though! These are common situations, and knowing how to talk to your boyfriend about your unplanned pregnancy will help you come out stronger in the end.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for quite a while, and we have a good relationship, but what does a pregnancy mean now?

If pregnancy wasn’t a discussion during your relationship, it needs to be now! Too many couples fear that having an unplanned pregnancy is a very bad thing for their relationship. Some want to work, finish school, buy a house, get married, or reach a certain status before having kids. But once you find out you have an unplanned pregnancy, it’s a crucial time to discuss your plans with your boyfriend. Keeping this a secret, or making a decision on your own is only going to strain your relationship.

If you have plans for a future together, a pregnancy could actually be a means of drawing you closer together. It could even be a good reason for you to make your commitment to each other official!¹ Whatever the case, remember that any good relationship is built on communication. While pregnancy is something you’ll have to work through, it doesn’t have to be a negative thing for your relationship and can even strengthen your commitment to each other.

Our relationship is brand new, and pregnancy wasn’t even a thought yet.

Some couples decide that they want their relationship to be long term, so becoming pregnant right away isn’t a concern. But for most, getting pregnant just a few months after you start dating someone wasn’t part of the plan. So how do you go about talking to your boyfriend about an unplanned pregnancy? Again, it’s a really good idea to talk to your partner and hear his thoughts. Some guys may feel a responsibility to support you and your baby even if you haven’t been together very long. Others may have strong convictions about abortion or parenting that you’ll never know if you don’t ask.

You don’t have to feel obligated to make the relationship more serious just because of a pregnancy. But it’s definitely a good time to discuss your intentions and be honest with each other. And sure, there are situations where you won’t find much support from your boyfriend. But the key is to discuss it. Ultimately, remember that this is your decision, and nobody has the right to force you into any choice.

My boyfriend doesn’t want to have a baby right now.

Some couples agree that they don’t want to have kids at a particular stage of their relationship. But all too often pregnancies happen anyway, and the dynamic of the relationship can change significantly. If you’re feeling pressured to get an abortion to preserve your relationship with your boyfriend, here are a few things to consider.

First, abortion can cause a lot of stress in your relationship or future marriage.² Your boyfriend might feel guilty later for pushing you too much, or you might feel bitter at him for not supporting you with the pregnancy.
Second, abortion takes the life of your child and his child. Dr. Catherine Coyle says that after an abortion, men may experience ambivalence, anger, anxiety, helplessness, grief, guilt, and relationship problems. It can send both of you into different types of grief and cause frustration and pain in the way you relate to each other.³
Finally, if your boyfriend is considering ending the relationship because of your pregnancy, having an abortion likely won’t be enough to keep him committed. A guy who truly loves you will stand with you during this difficult stage of your life, not abandon you. Too many women who are desperate to maintain their relationship suffer first the pain of abortion, followed within a short time by the exit of their boyfriend who was never truly committed to them in the first place.

Every situation is different, but keep these things in mind as you ponder your options and discuss things with your partner. And remember that your boyfriend might just need some time to get used to the idea of having a baby. He may support you once he’s had a chance to think through everything and get over the initial shock.

What Next?

After you’ve talked to your boyfriend about your pregnancy, be sure to get further help and support. Educating yourself on all your options will help you make an informed decision. Getting an ultrasound is a critical step to ensure the pregnancy is viable considering 15% – 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage[4]. Your local care center will be able to help with this. They are there to come alongside you and your partner. They are staffed with caring, individuals ready to listen to your situation and offer counsel.

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